my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
