white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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