True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
