Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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