You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
