Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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