It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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