i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dicks are not precious.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
