I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
