This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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