so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
