Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
