i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
