I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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