i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
