last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize