I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
