so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
