My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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