walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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