i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize