my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
