and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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