yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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