She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
