I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
