god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize