kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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