dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
