im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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