Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
