Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
