obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't turn off my feet"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
