He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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