were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
