I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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