there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
