Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
