I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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