dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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