My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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