so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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