He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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