What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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