I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
