i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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