I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
