Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
