What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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