i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He passed out mid-signature
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can you bring me the toilet please
did i just pee glitter
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize