You can't special order awesome
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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