I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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