I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
