just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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