She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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