You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
