My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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