i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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