No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
