He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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