Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
