but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
