And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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