did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
