wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize