what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
