I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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