Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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