seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
