Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
