I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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