Got a toothbrush?
please come you make the beer taste better
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
