im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ok first of all what the fuck
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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