direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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