I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
