So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
