just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
