I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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