I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
