Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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