Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
