Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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