I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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