You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize