I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
