brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
