im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
