There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
