she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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