Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
