Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
