Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
