So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
