it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize