oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no, he came in my armpit
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i think my cat just said my name.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
