ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Two words: nipple clamps
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