i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
