so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
