hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
