Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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