OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
